Tips to Complain Well

Complaining is simply expressing dissatisfaction. It usually happens in the context of a negative situation. (The food was bad at the restaurant, The traffic was horrible, The weather was too hot, cold, dry, rainy…)

We all complain, and every person has a different tolerance before internal frustrations move to external complaints. The question is not will we complain, the question is how we will complain. No-one likes a complainer, so we would be wise to learn to complain well. Believe it or not there is a positive and productive way to complain.

Types of Complaining:

Chronic complaining – These are people who never seem to be satisfied. They generally focus on problems and obstacles. Chronic complainers tend to be negative and quickly express dissatisfaction with various situations. There is even scientific research that shows how chronic complainers rewire their brains and dissatisfaction and complaining becomes more embedded. It has also been proven to have many negative physical and mental health effects. This can be reversed and fixed but most chronic complainers likely don’t believe that it could.

Venting – Venting can be a natural response and it is basically expressing our emotional dissatisfaction. Most of the time the goal of venting is to get some type of validation for our problems and dissatisfactions. We typically vent to be heard, get attention and gain sympathy. Venting does not usually produce solutions.

Constructive Complaints – This final type of complaining is the only way to complain well and productively. Constructive complaints recognize issues and express frustrations, but the difference is the move toward solutions. Constructive complaints bring about positive changes and solutions.

Tips to complain well:

• Stop, pause, and learn to respond instead of quickly reacting.
• Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
• Avoid negatively impacting your mood by limiting your complaining to rare occasions.
• Complain ONLY when you believe it will bring real and positive change.
• Consider other approaches to address issues and frustrations that may work instead of complaining.
• Protect yourself from chronic complainers and limit your time around them.
• Practice an attitude of gratitude to refocus your perspective.