A couple of weeks ago I was walking through the crowed foyer at church.  I had just gotten a fresh cup of coffee and was walking across the room when some joker bumped right into me. He must have been moving with some urgency because he ran into me with a force that shot my hot coffee all over my hand, then onto the floor. 

This situation reminded me of an old analogy about why I spilled the coffee.

Why did I spill the coffee?  You may say, “It’s because that guy bumped into you, dummy.”  But really that’s not the accurate answer. 

I spilled the coffee because there was coffee in my cup.   If my cup was full of beer (maybe not at church), I would have spilled beer.  If it was full of water, I would have spilled water. Whatever is in the cup is what will spill out.

This wise old lesson is so true of our lives.  When the trials and difficulties of life run into you, which they eventually will, whatever is in you is what will come out.

So, what’s in your cup?  When things get challenging what spills out?  When people test your patience what comes out?  When you face a conflict, obstacle,trial, hardship, or suffering…what’s in your cup? 

Are you passive or do you give up quickly?  Or are you responsible, responsive,and resilient?

Do you get angry or bitter? Or are you patient and forgiving?

Do you complain, blame, and point fingers?  Or do you focus on solutions, take responsibility and practice accountably?

What’s in your cup?  I think Jesus Christ said it best himself, “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”  Matthew 12:34-35

God has given each of us a cup, a capacity in life, and we have an opportunity and responsibility to fill it properly.

We would be wise to fill our cups with thankfulness, forgiveness, joy, courage, resilience, kindness, and love.

Complaining is simply expressing dissatisfaction. It usually happens in the context of a negative situation. (The food was bad at the restaurant, The traffic was horrible, The weather was too hot, cold, dry, rainy…)

We all complain, and every person has a different tolerance before internal frustrations move to external complaints. The question is not will we complain, the question is how we will complain. No-one likes a complainer, so we would be wise to learn to complain well. Believe it or not there is a positive and productive way to complain.

Types of Complaining:

Chronic complaining – These are people who never seem to be satisfied. They generally focus on problems and obstacles. Chronic complainers tend to be negative and quickly express dissatisfaction with various situations. There is even scientific research that shows how chronic complainers rewire their brains and dissatisfaction and complaining becomes more embedded. It has also been proven to have many negative physical and mental health effects. This can be reversed and fixed but most chronic complainers likely don’t believe that it could.

Venting – Venting can be a natural response and it is basically expressing our emotional dissatisfaction. Most of the time the goal of venting is to get some type of validation for our problems and dissatisfactions. We typically vent to be heard, get attention and gain sympathy. Venting does not usually produce solutions.

Constructive Complaints – This final type of complaining is the only way to complain well and productively. Constructive complaints recognize issues and express frustrations, but the difference is the move toward solutions. Constructive complaints bring about positive changes and solutions.

Tips to complain well:

• Stop, pause, and learn to respond instead of quickly reacting.
• Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
• Avoid negatively impacting your mood by limiting your complaining to rare occasions.
• Complain ONLY when you believe it will bring real and positive change.
• Consider other approaches to address issues and frustrations that may work instead of complaining.
• Protect yourself from chronic complainers and limit your time around them.
• Practice an attitude of gratitude to refocus your perspective.